Thursday, February 07, 2008

The most important job at church is the door greeter!

I am totally sick... again! kind of par for the course for me during the winter, but I am so over it and tired of being sick! So, I missed SPT this week which if I would have done it - it would have been about me cutting 6 inches off my hair and getting rid of my highlights and now it looks red and purple - there is nothing Pink about this situation. Note to self do not make dramatic changes when you are not feeling well or get your feelings hurt.

I would have also wrote about Mardi Gras celebration only consisted of giving my neighbor some Red Beans and Rice and Annie Kate wearing beads to school. You do the best you can do when you are sick. Although Annie Kate is very sad about the lack of King Cake that night. Who knew she cared.

I am sad that i have not written about the fun details about our first Sunday back in our ward. The girls were so excited! We told Caroline that morning that we were going to go to the church by the school and she was surprisingly excited. I never thought she would really get what that meant.

I had to snap a photo of the girls walking down the sidewalk to church. It was a walk that took a year of work to appreciate.
Church was wonderful and great! Everyone spoke of the life of our passing prophet Gordon B. Hinckley. Sunday school was just amazing and wonderful to come to church and just soak.
On another note :
One woman shared her sadness of walking in a room in her home and seeing it empty and is sad that all of her kids are grown up and encouraged young moms to enjoy every moment of those kids. She should have ended that with and "kristi that was for you!" I feel like this past week i have been whispering "grow up fast" in their ears at night. That was worth the whole day... well maybe not.
Then I walk into the foyer to go to Relief Society and there are two women that I have not seen in a year a sitting on the couch on the other side of the room and one yells out "oh my Kristi are we pregnant?" my heart sunk. The foyer was empty and i had no choice but to walk to her and address the question i get asked at least every 6 months since I have been married. I am giving the gritting my teeth smile and say, "do I look pregnant" and she says "well are you?" I say nope and I can't believe you think I look pregnant, since you last saw me i started running and even ran a marathon. "What you ran a marathon?" her surprise was worse than thinking I was pregnant. Then she says, "don't worry I carry all my fat in front too"
At this point i could take no more. So I slowly glided to the door of Relief Society smiling. She said, "kristi did I offend you?" I hold up my fingers about an inch apart and say ,"yep just a little bit!"
I walked into R.S. and there was one of my favorite people smiling as the door greeter. I needed a door greeter today. I looked at her started spilling tears and said, "someone just asked me if i was pregnant?" She didn't say anything but her eyes said, "no you don't, come in, we love you!"
i went to the back, cried a bit more and then I started feeling bad for the woman who said that to me and was worried about how she must have been feeling. She never came into RS and he whole time I was worried it was because she felt so bad. The whole meeting i felt like i had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other whispering
"oh go out there and tell her you forgive her very insensitive comment"
"she better sit out there because is she comes in her I am going to lose it on her"

I tried to "get over it" but made a quick exit from the building with my family. But honestly it has affected me all week - which to show you how fragile my body can be is that stress can so throw me in a tail spin like this.
I have learned that the reason hurtful comments are so hurtful is because they have a little bit of truth to them so it is really hard for me to get mad as someone who is saying it. The fact it was an inappropriate question still sits on the table. But if i had rock hard abs the question would not even bother me, i would have lifted up my shirt and said, "are you kidding me?" I have for sure gained some of my non marathon training body back and it is so sad and this is why Pace is my word of the year. I don't want to get too frustrated with my slow efforts.

But if I may take this as a teaching opportunity I am sending out the interblog memo that I seemed to have received but so many have not.
Please consider yourself informed and spread the word!

Date: 2/7/2008

To: All Women

Cc: who am i kidding everyone

From: Everything Pink

RE: Don't ever...

Priority: Urgent!

Don’t ever, ever ask a woman that you have not seen in over a year if she is pregnant! Don’t ever, ever ask a woman that you have not seen in a day if she is pregnant. Just don’t ask!


Everything Pink


But with this being said, I will totally love and forgive this woman. One of our first Sunday's when we moved here a girl came up to me and said, "I am so happy to see someone with big calves not afraid to wear shorter skirts" And she became one of my greatest friends.- so maybe these experiences are a way for me to bond with people.

Have you ever asked someone you know or don't know if they are pregnant?
be honest and if you have don't do it again!


Charity said...

I know how you must feel....but don't feel bad, here I am 110 lbs and someone came up to me in church a few months ago, patted my stomach and said ...and I quote...."How's your Uterus?" How do you respond to THAT?
I said..."Well, it's still there...No, I'm not pregnant, although if you knew my circumstances, you wouldn't even be asking..."
And then, I went into the bathroom and cried....I'm so sorry that you had to be subjected to such an insensitive comment...especially after everything you do for other people. I said a prayer in my heart just for you...

Your "lurker" friend from Alaska..

crystal said...

1. I ask you this: what woman who has given birth to 3 kids has rock-hard abs??????????????

2. Plastic surgery recipiants do not count.

3. I have a fragile ego, too.

4. VERY fragile.

5. I have big calves without the benefit of small ankles.

6. I call that unfortunate combination "cankles."

7. You ran a marathon. A MARATHON, sister! We're all so proud of you.

Jenmomof4 said...

I Love Crystals comments!!

I don't know what possesses some people to say things like that.

I am sorry you had to go through that.

"What hurts us only makes us stronger"

I posted your good mail today and what I made with some of the ribbon! Thanks again.

Hope you start feeling better soon.

Mamma Letty said...

That is horrible! I often get people asking me if I'm going to have another baby...and yes I was recently asked if I was pregnant. It was by a good friend who is very pregnant so I didn't feel too bad.
The bigger problem is that I like to have SPACE between my kids and people seem to think that if I'm not having a baby every other year that I'm done havign kids or infertile.
As for the big calves comment...I have big claves too and I teach a spinning class and have ran marathons...I just like to think...if only people knew how awesome my legs are! There are plenty of skinny legged women out there who have never even attempted to see the strenghth that lies in thier lower half.
I say Be proud of what you have! I have a large rear end. My tummy is flat but the rear could use some work. We all have something we dislike.
Flaunt what you've got. And for the record, not that I have ever seen you in person. But I have never thought that you look prego in any of your pictures.

Michelle A. said...

I have been asked, when are you going to get pregnant? Why aren't your pregnant? Are you pregnant? And for under the belt, and for under the belt, after conversing with a woman about adoption saying to me, yes but there is nothing like have your "own children". People like to blurt and this woman sure had a fine moment of blurt. I don't remember ever asking someone if they were pregnant, if I didn't already know for sure! Sorry for your week, your girls are beautiful, that's got to be the biggest blessing!

deidra said...

I asked a girl in our ward. I'd been her VTer, and her, mine. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wanted to kick myself.

Thankfully, the answer was, "Yes, seven months along!" Even though I thought it was obvious, I was glad to have that confirmation. (And renewed my vow to never ask again.)

Price Cream Parlor said...

Amen to all the comments - especially to Crystal! I don't even know how to respond to this as this is so totally insensitive I can't imagine! Honestly - even the calf comment - so strange!
What I can tell you is this - you are beautiful! In all the photos you have posted you look great (even without makeup - which is a huge!)
I am sure that you were crushed. I am glad that you did tell her that she did offend you - even if it were just a little. She needed to know.
The truth is - we all all insecure about something about our body. Each. One. Of. Us. However, no one should EVER say anything about a part of our body unless they are giving compliments! Honestly!
Hang tough!
You are a tough gal and can do hard things!
Hope you feel better soon!

Shauna said...

Got the memo!
There you were, hurt, yet worrying about the other woman being hurt when she did not show up in RS. I would totally go through that thought process, too.

Yes, I have been asked when I am not. It hurts!
When I was in college and working at a retail store, I directed a women to the Maternity bathing suits when she asked where the bathing suits are. Oh my...... never never never did I even get close to that sort of statement/conversation again.

Barb said...

I had a good friend that did drastic things to her hair after every break up. She claims she went on a mission so that she could grow out her hair and her real color :-)
I am sorry you are feeling sick, and I am sorry about the pregnant question. I just don't understand it. For one, I was taught never to ask that question, and then secondly, I have seen enough pictures of you on this blog to know that you do not look pregnant ever!

Tasha said...

Never, never and never.
I never ask, even if she is wearing a maternity shirt and somone else has told me. That is being a thunder stealer and you should let her tell you.

I want to see your hair, by the way.

You weren't rude to her, you didn't make her sit out in the foyer and not come to RS, she was allready sitting out there.

You always look great and strong. You have never looked pregnant to me unless you have actually been, in fact, pregnant.

Loved the memo though, you are a riot.

M&M said...

Wow, I am sorry you went through that. You handled it so well, and hopefully she will learn not to do that again. I never ask if someone is pregnant even if they look like they are going to pop the next day. I also don't ask how a pregnancy is going unless they bring it up because one time I asked and she had just miscarried. I felt awful!

Kristi, you are an amazing example of selflessness. What a great opportunity to serve that you made the most of.

melanie said...

Love the memo! I too am in the club that NEVER asks. When I was pg with Nate (my first) someone argued with me about having twins because I was so big. She kept saying, are you sure there's only one in there? She even asked how much weight I had gained. The nerve of some people and their comments!!

You are beautiful! And Tasha's right, her not coming to class has nothing to do with your actions, that's all on her.

Crystal's comments are perfect. And I second every one.

Anne said...

I've already responded to you about that comment, but after reading this, good for you for telling her that you were offended. I know I wouldn't have, and it would have eaten me up inside. I'm so sorry some people are so insensitive. Just remember, you ran a MARATHON! You're active and healthy, and that's more than many people can say. I think you look great.

Anne said...

I've already responded to you about that comment, but after reading this, good for you for telling her that you were offended. I know I wouldn't have, and it would have eaten me up inside. I'm so sorry some people are so insensitive. Just remember, you ran a MARATHON! You're active and healthy, and that's more than many people can say. I think you look great.

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

I've been thinking and thinking and I wish I had something to say to make you feel better, but I don't. But I do think your honesty to her was a great gift in return for her insensitive (and probably over-exhuberant)comment. Way to go on remembering to pace yourself.

Liz said...

Kristi, I am so sorry about that unfortunate woman making that comment to you. I had a similar experience this week and it just really makes me mad! The particular person who said it, is one who is consistently making comments or "teasing" remarks that are offensive to me. I try to grin and bear it, but I come home and cry about it to Ben.

I love your interblog memo! This needs to be in an email to every woman on the planet maybe?

Great big hug coming for you Kristi, and I hope you feel better from your illness soon! Love you!

Liz said...

P.S. Kristi, I am glad you told her that she offended you! She needs to know so that hopefully she won't make the same mistake again and say something offensive to someone!

The monkey bunch said...

The thing I was most impressed with is that you told the woman that she offended you. I am a frequent "put-my-foot-in-my-mouth" kind of person and we only learn when you tell us that you were offended and not pretend that you weren't and talk bad about us behind our backs! Of course I do have to admit that not asking if someone is pregnant is a no brainer! Ask their best friend instead!

Holly said...

When I first started reading your post, I was a bit sad for you as it was your first Sunday back in your ward and knew you would be missing your downtown ward. I then thought, how nice though after a year of life changing service and growth, to take a pause from that and fill yourself back up. (Does that make any sense?)

Then I read on to The Question. Okay...Big Hugs sent your way, right now!! I am soooo sorry that happened. You are BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING!!!

lelly said...

"no you are not, and we love you!"

i would be repeating those words over and over to myself. i will never underestimate the power of a friendly door greeter again!!

Jessica said...

I am also someone who NEVER, EVER asks if someone is pregnant, no matter how big they look, no matter what they are wearing, unless they first mention it to me. I am paranoid to be "that person."

What I keep getting a lot now is people (who do NOT know me well enough to be asking) asking me if we're going to have more kids or not. Like, in casual conversation at church. It reinforces to me that I would always keep those type of announcements private. They don't know that I've miscarried three times, or that we've been trying to figure out how/when we could adopt. They know that one of our children has had serious health problems over the last six months (and almost died a couple of times), but apparently they don't realize the impact of that and think that I should be popping another kid any time now. It's rather mind blowing how inconsiderate people can be sometimes.

I will chime in and say that you look perfectly GORGEOUS every time you post a picture. Including the full body shot you posted a bit ago from your last ward (black dress, red necklace). Definitely did not look pregnant or fat or anything like it. You have a very natural, radiating beauty.

Have a great weekend, Kristi!

Francie said...

Don't dwell on that comment too much...wasted negative energy.

You are the best friend we all wished we had in school!

I had surgery a month ago and when the tech came in to put some elastic stockings on she said,"Wow you have really big calfs!" The rest of me isn't.

You are absolutely phenomenal!!

katherine said...

Oh Kristi, I can't believe it. When I met you I remember thinking how small you were, I felt like such a tower of largness next to you. Also I remember thinking how nice and bright and cheerful your clothes were, very cute :) Who knows maybe this lady asked you because she heard a rumor and not because of weight. The worst anyone has ever said to me was in high school, when this one girl comes up to me and excitedly says, "you look just like that lady from Misery" (Cathy Bates?!!--what the flip?) I was down in the dumps for a good two weeks with the voice in my head saying "you are so ugly, you look like a psychotic, back woods Granny". What silly remarks can do to the human psyche is crazy! Take care, you are TOTALLY FABULOUS in every way!

Heather said...

I have never asked someone, but was there when a friend was asked and saw the devastation up close. I know others have said it too, but I just want to add again--I think it is AWESOME that you were honest with her and others about your feelings. I think we live in a society that has confused what it means to be nice. I believe that you being honest was the nicest thing you could have done back to her in the situation--it was empowering for you and her if she made it. I know I'm borderingo judgemental here, but honestly I can't believe she has not contacted you and made some effort to make things right this week. I love how you are ready to accept the apology though--even if she never offers it!

Lauralee said...

so sorry.. I am so glad you told her she offended you.. sad to admit but yes I did ask a lady if she was pregnant.. one time.. when I was a 21 year old missionary.. tracting.. on her doorstep as she was holding a newborn.. DUMB.. she didn't want to hear our message.. surprise! haven't ever asked any one since.. even if I am sure.. I will not ask that question..
like your memo!
I have been asked many many times if I am pregnant when I am not.. even before I was married, I was working as a teller.. and this guy asked me when I was due.. I said, well, I am not even married yet.. he kept asking.. like oh you can tell me.. like I was "hiding" it.. whatever..

I am glad the rs greeter showed you some love...

the leg comment? how random.. but seriously.. I was taught at a young age never to comment on anyone's body parts.. noses.. mouths..legs. because we are how we are..

take care.. your are beautiful.. and strong.. hello.. you ran a marathon! you rock kristi!

katherine said...

I remembered telling you about the store Two Coconuts--it's great to look around and everything is monogrammed. Here is their online shop if your interested

Laurie said...

Kristi, the last time I saw you you WERE pregnant (with Caroline) and you hardly even looked it! Really, you looked like your same classy self. I have always envied your style.

Some people have no tact. I would NEVER ask someone that question. Too personal.

Good thing you have a blog and a huge fan club!!

pjmesser said...

I feel your pain- & let me just tell you- WAY TO GO- letting her know you were offended. Maybe you just saved the next unsuspecting not even pregnant looking woman the same humiliation. I am so proud of you for that. I am so flabbergasted when something like that happens- that I don't say anything- that is wrong.

When we first moved into the ward we live in now I took my youngest son into the nursery. A silicone sister (who I found out later is also a personal trainer) in a very tight skirt - I might add- asked me - "do you REALLY have six kids?-REALLY- six kids wow- I just couldn't ruin my body like that." I looked down at myself & thought- bummer- ouch- I sat there completely stunned. I have never really gotten over that comment. I wish I wouldv'e said something, anything in rebuttle. Not rude- but like you- just to let her know... I don't think she wouldv'e got it or even cared.
Anyhow- I'm proud to have six kids & ya I don't look like I did when I was 20 or even 30 but I would do it again in a heart beat!

carlo said...

oh my word...

your experience is the very reason i will not, nor ever had, asked a woman if she was pregnant.

(let alone shout it out in front of the huge room!?)

it is also why i don't attempt comments about more kids/are you done/do you want more kids, etc
b/c you just never know what that situation is or what she is going through.

hugs coming your way.

and i smiled at your greeter comment. so true. we have door greeters ast ellie's preschool and i think they KNOW when we are having a rough morning or bad say or whatever. i can't enter that building without a smile on my face after seeing them in the cold/rain/wind holding the doors and helping make our day *a little* easier.

Jill said...

I don't know how ANY woman can ever feel comfortable asking another woman that question. It's just too loaded and personal.

I got asked that question about 5 months after my miscarriage, so ended up responding with that info. It wasn't in front of anyone else and I wasn't a mess about it, but it was definitely embarrassing and impertinent.

I'm so sorry that that's a regular wound for you. I really hope she makes an effort to apologize to you. I'm so glad there's a greeter there to be sweet to you and happy that you stayed for Relief Society!

TAGYN said...

I feel badly that the woman was surprised when you told her you ran a marathon. I have done 5!!! which is a lot of sweat and tears and it was before kids.
I was chatting with a woman and told her about my running and her comment was ¨you don´t look like a marathon runner¨. What does that mean? I am not a size 6 but I am healthy and do you know that only about 2 percent of the population will ever run a marathon! It is an amazing accomplishment.
It is too bad that some people don´t think before they speak but it makes us more sensitive to what we say. Maybe the woman is actually a little bit jealous of what you have!
Stay positive and take the high road!

Kristi said...

I don't think I have asked, I am pretty sure I have been asked, hence why I will never ever ask. I love it! your post that is. so true. so hard when people are so thoughtless.

WatsonCounty said...

I completely sympathize. During the first years of married life women at church would constantly ask me the most personal of things like "Are you pregnant yet?" "When are you going to start a family?" "Do you want children?" "Are you using birthcontrol?" "If you lost some weight you'd get pregnant." "Have you talked to your gynocologist? Maybe you need to go to a fertility specialist?" "Maybe you're too stressed out, if you relax you'll get pregnant." "Are you sure you're not pregnant?" "If you certify to adopt you'll get pregnant. That's what happens to people all the time, it happened to my cousin's sister-in-law's friend's neighbor..." "I heard through the grapevine that you might be pregnant, when are you due?" "Maybe you're not doing it right." "Are you fasting and praying about having children?" "Have you had your husbands sperm count tested?" and on and on and on! Even now, 13 years and one adopted baby girl later, I still get asked at least once a year if I'm pregnant. Sure I'm chubby, and yes I realize nobody means any harm, but it hurts all so badly to be asked because there is nothing I would rather be than pregnant. Anyways, some people have absolutely no tact or sensitivity and perhaps it takes someone finally calling them on it too learn the lesson. Next time I should respond as you did and admit that my feelings are hurt because usually I just swallow it and make myself feel bad and feel like I deserve it because I am chubby. Our situations are a little different, but the feelings are so very much the same.

Jinii said...

I never ask someone if they are pregnant even if I think it is obvious. My husband and I have been married 3 and 1/2 years and I get so sick of people asking me when we are going to have a baby. What if we can't did they ever think of how that would make you feel. I have a cousin who she and her husband tried to have a baby for 8 years. She was telling me that she had people not only ask her when they were going to have a baby but that she should stop being so selfish and have a baby. I think people should just keep their mouths shut. I am happy to say that she just adopted triplets in July. Sorry I am a little opionated about this subject.

Amanda L. said...

Oh my goodness. I have never asked and never will. I did hear one woman say that when she gets asked (quite frequently) she says "Yes! And I only have 6 weeks left...don't I look good?" And then they agree and she feels better. I have come to find out that some people do not think before they speak. Just think about the metamorphosis your body went through last year. You should be proud. My calfs aren't "big", but I have big knees and still wear short skirts. Be proud sister!

Amanda L. said...

Oh my goodness. I have never asked and never will. I did hear one woman say that when she gets asked (quite frequently) she says "Yes! And I only have 6 weeks left...don't I look good?" And then they agree and she feels better. I have come to find out that some people do not think before they speak. Just think about the metamorphosis your body went through last year. You should be proud. My calfs aren't "big", but I have big knees and still wear short skirts. Be proud sister!

Wendee said...

No, I've never asked this, because someone asked me, and I had to stand up straight and tell the other person, "No, I'm just *FAT*!". Sigh.

The memo, BTW, should go to men, too.

It's sad, and makes you wonder all the seemingly innocent questions that we, ourselves, ask, or what seems like benign comments, that other people might be very sensitive about...


You like fine and beautiful and strong to me.

Elisa said...

Kristi, Bummer, lame, I have a continual struggle with my body as well. It's been with me since birth I believe. Even when I am significantly thinner it's not good enough for me. I can never sit back and say "I made my goal" because my goal is to become a Victoria Secret Supermodel. The only time in my life I felt at peace with my physical body was on my mission when I was working too hard to notice. So, heres my advice to you and to me. Lets be SUPER healthy physically, and concentrate so much on our sweet nature, amazing talents, and spirituality we don't have time to care.

Elizabeth said...

I have never asked thank goodness. I have been asked more then once though. And I think every time it was in the foyer at church.
One time a lady asked and when I said no went on by saying isn't it about time you had another one. I had been trying at that time to get pregnant for over a year. Some tears were shed at church that day too.
But what can we do but forgive quickly. If only for our own sakes.
You are awesome!

Andie said...

Ok, so first of all, EVERYONE KNOWS you never EVER ask a woman that!

Second, a few weeks ago, on your post walking into your "old" church,I was going to leave a comment about your great toned running legs. Go back and look! They are! And then I thought it was beside the point of your meaningful post. And would just end up sounding inappropriate.

And lastly, the only thing worse than someone asking you if you are pregnant, is when you are not, and never could be. Been there myself.

Keep running girl! You look great!

Brown Family said...

That was just a funny, honest and painful post. I applaud you for being so honest. Sister Hinckley once said that "In life you have to either laugh or cry... I'd rather laugh... crying gives me a headache." I have never forgotten in highschool when a boy asked if they could use my forehead for the overhead projector. (I have a high forehead.) Seriously it was like 12 years ago... but it kind of still stings. I need to get over it. Maybe I should blog about it and then I'd feel better. Infact.. I think I might.

Laurie said...

One of my friends who is pregnant had someone at church tell her that her backside looks like it's growing too. People say the darndest things! I'm pregnant and I still don't like the comments. Yesterday someone asked me if I'm pregnant or just look bad. Geesh.

Kristen said...

Wow, I'm speechless! I just can't believe that someone would say that to another woman. I think you handled the situation very well, I just feel bad that it made you cry. I feel bad because I know exactly how you felt.
I'm so glad you sent a memo to everyone, such a great idea!!!

Amanda Neilson said...

I'm so sorry!

That has happened to me soooo many times and I can relate to how devastating and embarrassing it is. I have now resorted to responding with, "Oh no- I'm just bloated. But thanks for noticing!"

I think your memo is a great idea. I have learned from my own emotional experiences that you NEVER ask unless they are hugely pregnant and wearing one of those t-hirts that says "baby" with an arrow pointing south!

rebecca said...

Oh my - I can't believe this. This happened to me for the first time this weekend - I was crying in the hallway to Jer (er, long story) and trying to hide it, and by the time I got to RS wearing my cute big shirt with the empire waist, a million people already saw me crying and they asked if I was pregnant and then I started crying all over again!
Thanks for the memo - you hit it right on, and a good reminder for us to support, uplift, and cheer for each other. In that vein -- YOU ROCK!

Amy said...

When I was pregnant with my first, I thought I looked so cute. I was proud that I was in my last month and had only gained 25 lbs. Here is the crusher: a lady at the grocery had the gall to ask me if I was having triplets or just some big twins! My face just dropped and I had a hard time feeling comfortable when out in public after that...I was always nervous that I looked like a cow.

It's not a bad thing for her to feel bad about what she said for awhile...she needs a reminder lesson on what is & is not OK to say. But, be sure to go to her Sunday and let her know you are over don't want to feel awkward forever.

Laurie said...

I was thinking, even the skinniest of women out there have days they look pregnant (if they're in the moms club of us who have already had kids). Truly. So that should be a comfort to us all. :-)

I had someone hurt my feelings over the summer and I was surprised it took me a couple months to be totally over it when I would see the person, but I have found it usually takes being open from the start to the idea (as you are) that I'll forgive and will have a positive interaction. Once I ihave a positive experience with the person, I can get past the negative experience because in most cases if the person had been thinking or had known what hurt they would cause, they wouldn't say it again. Plus I know I'm guilty of hurting people at times (not this issue but I'm guilty of other negatives).

charlotte said...

I can't believe someone said that to you! That's so rude and insensitive--I would have cried too. hope she comes to apologize. And I reiterate what others have commented: you ran a marathon--take that!

Jen said...

seriously- women are strange that way. i don't know what causes it, but there's something attached the x chromosome that alternates between caring and not thinking before speaking! i'm sorry that happened and i would have had a worse reaction, i'm sure- like i probably would have hung out far far away for awhile- so good for you going back.
for the record, i've seen your photos and you definitely do not look pregnant in the least. so there. and from someone who has tree trunks for legs and can never seem to find jeans that fit right, let alone knee high boots, i can understand the calves issue and empathize completely. as i get older (ahem, now that i'm 30!), i'm starting to appreciate my body less for what it looks like and more for what it does.
and yes- i actually DID ask someone other other day if she was pregnant, but it was extremely obvious and i only asked b/c i overheard someone else mentioning it, so it was safe. otherwise, no way- the woman could go into labor and i'd look at her like 'do you have the flu?' although, truthfully, i'm guilty of the question of when quite often...

Anonymous said...

Kristi- you are so beautiful inside and out and it hurts me to read how insensitive some can be. I know your strength and your confidence and I think you handled this in perfect Kristi-form! Good for you for telling her about your marathon accomplishments---not many people can say that, and i am sure she will rethink her future commentary on any others she cares to converse with about any pregnancy. It is always a touchy subject for those struggling to conceive or those content with the blessings they have....just give your girls a hug and feel proud of who you are....because you are incredible. Love, heather

Things the Moodys Love... said...

Kristi - you are so cute - who cares about that chick! I always tell my kids when someone is being mean to them or says something not nice to just feel sorry for the person who said it because they must have had a lame mom who never taught them any manners. And how sad to have a lame mom!!!
That being said, no, I never, ever ask if someone is pregnant. It is just a rude question whether someone looks totally pregnant or not. I have had many miscarriages where, yes, I still probalby looked pregnant, but just having to say out loud, "no, I am not pregnant" was just the saddest thing ever. I wish everyone knew not to ask. Hopefully your post will inspire someone who would have asked - to keep their mouth shut!!! :)

Melissa said...

I don't think I've ever asked someone because I get asked that question all the time. I'm sorry about how that made you feel. I'm sure it was especially painful since you've worked so hard this year training for the marathon. People really need to think before they speak.

LJ said...

Seriously, If I could count the number of times if I've been asked if I'm pregnant. . . Yikes.

Susan said...

I don't think I've ever asked anyone if they were pregnant, if I have I've blocked it from my memory. I'm glad that you told her that she offended you, just a teensy bit. I'm always glad when someone tells me I've pulled a boner rather than tell everyone else, and not me. Good for you! And good for you for letting it go! You are awesome!

Creole Wisdom said...

Wow. In Minnesota people are not that blunt. Ahh, no one would ask someone was preggo or the comment about the legs... wtheck?

Anyway, I'm sorry she said that.

People can be insensitive. Hey, I get upset when people ask if I'm Tongan in the church. I just want to say, "do I look Tongan? I am actually HALF BLACK. so HA!"

Ahhh. It can get frustrating.

And no, I've never asked if someone was pregnant, but once in Savannah I was closing the trunk and hit the bell boy at the hotel in the head while doing so. I have never felt so terrible. I ran away, and came back with a written apology note. Eeek!

michelle said...

Oh, Kristi! I cannot believe the insensitivity of people. (For the record, every time I leave my house, I wonder if someone's going to ask me if I'm pregnant. Because I really DO look pregnant! But I'm not.)

It is one of the rudest possible questions, and I have never asked it, never will. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I think you handled it perfectly. SO good you told her that you were offended, she needs to learn from that experience!

I'm glad for the door greeter, and I'm glad you documented your cute girls walking to church! Better luck tomorrow...

J* said...

Good for you to stand up and acknowledge that what she said was actually offensive and not just shrug it off! You are so beautiful and I just admire your style/look/everything.

"You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment."
Dave Barry


Christine said...

I asked someone once when I was about 12 when I was at a public pool. Luckily I didn't know the woman and it cured me from ever asking anyone else again.

I suspected my secretary in Primary was pregnant but I never said a word. She ended up being pregnant without knowing it! I'm still glad I didn't embarass her by asking before she found out for herself. Definately taboo.