Consider yourself warned
Three years ago I started this blog and have filled it with 1283 different entries about life, family, creative ventures, travel, other creative minds and a hodgepodge of ideas.
I think I had a blogger breakdown last fall, where I kind of just stopped reading other blogs and writing on my blog. It was a nice break as I know I over extend myself.
I decided to split my blogger brain in hopes to keep it simple - only I would think starting a second blog would simplify my life. (I actually have 8 blogs on my dashboard - who knew huh?) So my friend and I, Stacy came up with the idea to start 2cleverblog. This way I could throw all my creative thoughts, traditions and ideas on that spot and then keep my more personal (is that even a word on the Internet) thoughts and family journaling on Everything Pink. It seems to be working.
So I am warning you that if you have liked Everything Pink because it has fun, has creative ideas for you to do with my family you may want take me off of your side bar and add 2cleverblog instead. If you like reading about my crazy life with my crazy kids and personal struggle with depression and fibromyalgia, feelings about the love of my church, miracle that I can do any kind of exercise and my anxiety about moving in the next 17 months then read on my cyber friends - but don't say I didn't warn you.
I seem to be in that total mom funk. I am sure the fact that Annie Kate is totally sick and Jeff is on his day 7 of a 10 day trip has something to do with it. But I can't ignore these feelings I am having of wondering how you balance this whole loving, creative mom with strong "you can't run over me" mom thing.
I fear my kids are just totally spoiled because of all my creative ideas and are used to advents to count down every event, painting, play dough fun fests. I know me and the word balance don't get along too well but I just can't figure out the way to be a fun mom with a strong mom.
Feel free to tell me like it is - How do you do it??
Is it possible to fun and firm?
Is it possible to fun and firm?
18 comments:
Oh, how I struggle with this! I have the opposite problem where I constantly worry that I am too firm and wonder if I ignore my kids too often while cleaning the house, reading, and scrapbooking.
I hope some of your commenters have good advice...I will be back to see if I can glean any wisdom!
I will keep reading both, thank you!
My advice is to first make sure your not being to hard on your self and then simplify the fun. Keep having it but don't make it too much for you to handle.
Remember that all our kids screaming and tears(mine to) is not indicative to our parenting. Their personalities play so much into it. We will be thankful for their strong characteristics as they grow older.
"Remember that all our kids screaming and tears(mine to) is not indicative to our parenting. Their personalities play so much into it. We will be thankful for their strong characteristics as they grow older." (From Elizabeth's comment)
^^^ Yes, THIS! ^^^
I am banking on it, anyway.
kids have a way of pushing our buttons--- dad being away doesn't help, but that doesn't matter it- is what it is.
I say let em have it- I have six kids & I am brutally honest when they are being brats- no one wants to be around bratty sue- even me... so see you later until the nice you- comes back. If they scream & cry about it - that means you are doing your job. they will stop when that doesn't "work"
Okay here is the brutally honest part- kids only do what works for them. If it's not working sooner or later- they will figure out you get more bees with honey. Of course it doesn't hurt to remind them.- I hope that wasn't too much.
my very favorite book on parenting- seriously this is a mom of six kids here talking - it's 1/2 lecture 1/2 real life examples-
Parenting with Love & Logic -
Ps. don't be so hard on yourself- we all have the same issues! Remember in your perfectionism to give yourself some compassion too ;)
are we still friends...
oh it's hard, we have all been there.. I am probably not the most fun mom, so I don't have the best advise there.. but when my kids are screaming.. throwing fits.. I just want to cry too.. I hate it! in fact my mom called me once, and it was one of those moments.(which are far too often) when ALL of my kids were melting.. and I was tired, and asked my mom.. do you remember having days like this? and she said.. just sit down and cry with them.. it made me laugh, but seriously.. sometimes that works..
also something my dad is always telling me I need to work on is boundries... like when I sit down to eat, I should be able to eat, (you know how kids will be like.. oh I need this, or I need that as soon as you have a seat) my dad told me I could tell them no, you need to wait till I am done. Honestly that was news to me.. I would jump when ever my kids needed anything.. so I love that.. I am still working on it.. .but boundries are good.. they get their fun time with you, and then let them know however you have to that this is your time, and they can go cry and throw a fit, but I always tell my kids.. I don't throw a fit when you are eating, or playing on the computer... or drawing.. or whatever it is you want to do.. they have to learn that same respect..
okay that was really long and not well written... hope it helps. so glad you are not quitting this blog, when I saw consider yourself warned.. I was a little worried.. love your new blog too!
Well I am going to just keep cyberstalking you on both blogs...if that's alright with you?!?
I don't even know how I found your blog, but I have kept coming back because I do wonder how you do it all and stay sane...and then I realized you don't...and that made me like you even more. But I can relate to the struggle of being a fun mom yet not letting my kids walk all over me while dealing with fibromyalgia and the depression that usually comes with it. I also have thrown dealing with autism or some sort of sensory issues with my youngest in with the mix and I found that yelling works...okay just kidding it really doesn't then we all feel bad.
I don't know how to make it all work. What works for me one day totally fails another. I have people tell my I must be so organized and 'with it' with 5 kids and I just laugh and think if you only knew how really insane I feel. But everyone is dressed everyday (wearing jammies counts as being dressed right?!?) and nobody is starving and we had family prayer then we are doing okay for today and we will see how tomorrow goes.
But again if you don't mind I will keep visiting you and realize I am not alone....and neither are you.
Yes to what Elizabeth said! Also, I am not really that fun...
p.s. I LOVE the picture of SJ, and it was great talking to you today.
I've let a lot of the 'FUN' go lately. It wasn't always that fun...especially when they expect it and complain when it's not what THEY wanted. So, I've tried to focus on keeping activities simple and random. It makes it much more fun for all of us.
Your great and we love you!
hahahaha that pic of SJ makes me laugh. I LOVE it. You are doing an awesome job with those girls Kristi. And seriously, yes they do have a high pitched scream, but EVERY kid screams. I sure don't think yours scream any more than anyone else's. I hope one day to be a quarter as creative, patient,loving and the incredible mother that you are. Those girls love you to pieces, as do the rest of us. Loves!
I think all moms struggle with this to some extent, but for me I know I am their mom first and am responsible for teaching them how live in a family, love, gain life skills, get an education, develop their testimony, feel good about themselves and on and on, so fun isn't usually my priority. I like to be playful with them, we joke around a lot, we do fun things together, but I don't feel the need to be their daily entertainment coordinator at all. I think it's important that they become self-sufficient and able to play independently. The more I write, the taller this order seems to be. I would recommend praying about it and setting some rules for yourself and them so that they're not the boss of you.
P.S. I'm so happy that you have a blog specifically for your creative ideas and one for your real life, woohoo!
Darin asked me once if Miriam was bi-polar and he was DEAD SERIOUS. I think all kids are, or at least the bi-polar disorder makes adults act like little kids.
I like Patsy's answer, I do something similar. I tell Miriam its fine to be angry and mean but she can't do it around me so she has to go to her room. I have left stores to have her throw a fit in the car. The key, I believe is to never lose your cool, be calm, and ignore ignore ignore. This may be rude but I do make a point of showing Miriam other kids throwing fits in public and take the opportunity to discuss how no one wants them around at that moment and that they look incredibly babyish and lame. That has seemed to work.
I really like the book Parenting with Love and Logic...it is HARD!
i am happy about your TWO blogs because now i have twice the reading material from my favorite pink girl!
as far as mothering goes, you have to remember that their are no real rules. you just have to do what feels right. you can be both moms, fun and creative but firm when you're feeling "run over" or when it comes to rules. consistency is so important, the more consistent you are, the safer your girls feel and less explosive their reactions become. pray for balance. you will be fine. love ya!
If you figure it out, let me in on the secret would ya?
I tend to go the other way than you do. I am more firm than fun and at the end of EVERY day I think to myself. Did I spend "quality" time with my kids?
That's one of the reasons I like to read your blog. Your ideas are almost always ones I feel I can do to make my kids' childhood more fun.
I struggle with this too, but for different reasons...I wonder if I'm fun enough. It's hard because each of our kids are different and need different things from us. Finding balance is key and I bet you're better at it than you think.
As far as behavior goes... I use the philosophy "parenting with love and logic". It has worked for us as long as we are consistent, which isn't always easy. You should check it out.
Good luck with your two blogs.
I'm not sure how I found your blog, but it's one of my favorites and I don't even know you--ha! Well, I guess we are "sisters in Zion" and all. Hey--I struggle daily with the balance between fun, tender supermom, and the rules enforcer, disciplining mom who must civilize her children in 18 short years. That's just the struggle--and no, you have not spoiled your kids with fun. Keep it up! As for me, I am craft challenged, so I will stay with Pink. Since I have 3 boys, it helps me realize that mom's of girls have challenges, too!
I agree with jill, but I think fun should be part of the mix too....i think consistency is the key, which sometimes does not unlock because we keep changeing it but this is what I struggle with most...being consistent. loVE THE LITTLE yellow bows and cute face...thought girls were easier....
Post a Comment