One of my least favorite Holiday Traditions.
Yes, there is one holiday tradition that happens every year and I just don't like it. This week almost every year I get sick. Last years horrible bout put me on the look out for this year. I got all my holiday shopping for my family done before Thanksgiving, Christmas card photos taken and had packages sent out on December 1st. I was trying to stay atop of Pink Christmas and doing everything I could for our Secret Santa stuff for downtown before the date. But all it takes for me is one late night with not enough sleep and whoop - shes down!
I have fibromyalgia. I think I have said something about it a few times but also never really anything about it too. If I don't get sleep I get sick. If I don't exercise I get sick. Every day is a struggle to get out of bed, every single day, both physically and mentally. I can't decide which came first, depression or fibromyalgia, but I have made them best friends. They don't like to be apart. So either I am sick and achy witch makes me depressed or I am depressed and don't sleep or exercise and then my fibromyalgia kicks in.
It truly is a miracle that I ran as much as I did this year. I for sure had my days during training when I thought "my body just hurts too much to do this" It is all mind over matter and a lot of faith and praryers! You can see why I say, "Anyone can run a marathon"
Sometimes I feel like fibromylgia is my body having a temper tantrum and the less attention I give it (by complaining and thinking about it) the sooner the "body temper tantrum" stops. But then at the same time the less attention I give to it the more it takes control of me. the best way I describe how it feels is that it hurts to wear my skin. My forearms always seem to be the most tender and my shoulders hurt to the touch. this weird part are my leg aches on both legs in the exact same spot - weird huh. Sometimes at night when the pain is really bad I feel like I have anxiety wondering if it will go away. vicious cycle I tell ya!
I was diagnosed right after I got married. And those few months of not knowing what was going on were pretty lame. So these past few days of feeling absolutely horrible I keep telling myself, at least I know what it going on. That is a plus.
the first time I was sick after we got married I had a paper to turn in for a history class. I felt so horrible and didn't want to go to school to turn it in. I offered my brother Ryan $100,000 dollars if we would take it to my professor for me. I have not started paying him back yet but will as soon as one of my million dollar ideas pay off. (thanks for not charging me interest Ryan)
I am not sure what has made me want to write about it today, this year, this post after not really talking about it, but I am. I know I don't like to talk about it because I don't want people to feel sorry for me or that I am too weak to help if they needed something - hmmm that could be a weird definition of pride. But at the same time if someone asks me something about it I am happy to talk about it.
I have so many things to do, but I have to stop. I have to stay in bed and let my mind go crazy of all things I can't wait to do once my "temper tantrum" is over.
But this is why my "everything pink" attitude is so vital to my life and giving me a reason to get out of bed everyday. I have missed running this month but have spent a few days with my friend Jim. (or maybe that is spelled Gym)
Life is good but just a little slower right now and that is OK. I am thinking only a few more days I will by skipping along into Christmas!