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Friday, December 14, 2007

One of my least favorite Holiday Traditions.

Yes, there is one holiday tradition that happens every year and I just don't like it. This week almost every year I get sick. Last years horrible bout put me on the look out for this year. I got all my holiday shopping for my family done before Thanksgiving, Christmas card photos taken and had packages sent out on December 1st. I was trying to stay atop of Pink Christmas and doing everything I could for our Secret Santa stuff for downtown before the date. But all it takes for me is one late night with not enough sleep and whoop - shes down!
I have fibromyalgia. I think I have said something about it a few times but also never really anything about it too. If I don't get sleep I get sick. If I don't exercise I get sick. Every day is a struggle to get out of bed, every single day, both physically and mentally. I can't decide which came first, depression or fibromyalgia, but I have made them best friends. They don't like to be apart. So either I am sick and achy witch makes me depressed or I am depressed and don't sleep or exercise and then my fibromyalgia kicks in.
It truly is a miracle that I ran as much as I did this year. I for sure had my days during training when I thought "my body just hurts too much to do this" It is all mind over matter and a lot of faith and praryers! You can see why I say, "Anyone can run a marathon"
Sometimes I feel like fibromylgia is my body having a temper tantrum and the less attention I give it (by complaining and thinking about it) the sooner the "body temper tantrum" stops. But then at the same time the less attention I give to it the more it takes control of me. the best way I describe how it feels is that it hurts to wear my skin. My forearms always seem to be the most tender and my shoulders hurt to the touch. this weird part are my leg aches on both legs in the exact same spot - weird huh. Sometimes at night when the pain is really bad I feel like I have anxiety wondering if it will go away. vicious cycle I tell ya!

I was diagnosed right after I got married. And those few months of not knowing what was going on were pretty lame. So these past few days of feeling absolutely horrible I keep telling myself, at least I know what it going on. That is a plus.
the first time I was sick after we got married I had a paper to turn in for a history class. I felt so horrible and didn't want to go to school to turn it in. I offered my brother Ryan $100,000 dollars if we would take it to my professor for me. I have not started paying him back yet but will as soon as one of my million dollar ideas pay off. (thanks for not charging me interest Ryan)

I am not sure what has made me want to write about it today, this year, this post after not really talking about it, but I am. I know I don't like to talk about it because I don't want people to feel sorry for me or that I am too weak to help if they needed something - hmmm that could be a weird definition of pride. But at the same time if someone asks me something about it I am happy to talk about it.
I have so many things to do, but I have to stop. I have to stay in bed and let my mind go crazy of all things I can't wait to do once my "temper tantrum" is over.
But this is why my "everything pink" attitude is so vital to my life and giving me a reason to get out of bed everyday. I have missed running this month but have spent a few days with my friend Jim. (or maybe that is spelled Gym)
Life is good but just a little slower right now and that is OK. I am thinking only a few more days I will by skipping along into Christmas!

29 comments:

Lauralee said...

oh wow.. there is a lady in my ward here, who has my same name, who also has that.. I am sorry.. It has got to be frustrating! what a cycle! and wow.. what a lot of self talk you must have to do!

so glad you have shopping, wrapping, packages done! that is a blessing, you can see it coming and prepare for it in some ways!

take care! I hope you start feeling better real soon!

lelly said...

please take the time to let your body get over it's temper tantrum. find some quiet moments. i know that can be a challenge in itself.

i am thoroughly impressed that you were so organized to get so many big things accomplished early.

pjmesser said...

Oh Kristi~ my prayers are with you. My mom has this. It's so tough- but I know you are tougher! I love your attitude. You can do anything and everything you want in life (& more)with an attitude like yours!
Happy resting & taking care of yourself today!!

Elisa said...

I am glad you posted. I think there are lots of women (and probably men) who wonder what is wrong with them, this could help. I also think it helps others to see the whole picture, understanding does wonders to erase jealousy and spite. We all have our physical and mental struggles, it's nice to see how others deal with theres so we all get ideas on how to deal with our own.

Kristy said...

Sometimes I think we get sick, or illnesses flair because our body is telling us that we need to take a break! I hope that you'll really take it easy for a couple of days. Just think of it as a blessing. Instead of having to run around doing all the many things you do every day, you have the right to stay in bed or to sit on the couch and think about and enjoy the real spirit of the season. Sometimes it takes feeling a little under the weather to slow down enough to think about the things that are most important. Here's to some relaxing days, a good christmas book, some hot chocolate and the chance to bask in the true meaning and coziness of the Christmas season!

climbingrocks said...

get a magic bullet. that might help you get out of bed easier, cuz you could have chocolate milkshakes for breakfast,,,hmmm yumm! love you kristi, if you need a manny for a week I will come out.

Amy W. said...

My mother suffers from the same. I know what a frustrating toll it can take. Slower is MORE than okay. Taking things slow helps MAKE everything a little more pink--giving us a chance to enjoy the moment and remember what is most important. Take care Miss Kristi!

melanie said...

So nice, a manny offer from your brother (I think). Who wouldn't love that?!

I'm so glad you thought of last year and prepped yourself and worked so hard to get so much done. You're right, it's smooth sailing into Christmas now.

Temper Tantrums are the worst. Hope this one doesn't last long! Hang in there, many people are sending you thoughts of getting better and enjoying the holiday. Including me!

Marie said...

Sorry to hear about the evil best friends that are having a temper tantrum in your body right now. You have such a great attitude. Take it easy and let yourself heal so you can enjoy Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Kristi- I would have never guessed you suffer from the same miserable problem that I do. You are like super woman. Sometimes I get tired just reading your blog you seem to do so much. Now you are truely an inspiration. I hope you can get enough rest to feel better and enjoy the holiday. (oh, and thank you for responding to my email about helping me find the blog of Hilary. I remembered her last name is Shirley but I still have not located her.) hugs-keri

Susan said...

I'm so sorry that the tantrum is now when you have been having so much success. It is hard to put up with things out of your control.

I'm always impressed with how much you do. My sister had fibromyalgia. I'm so happy that it was diagnosed for you. It took years, literally, for my sister to get a diagnosis, and then she had contracted several other syndromes. Keep up your uplifting thoughts! You have a lot to keep moving forward for!

You are such an inspiration for so many people, Kristi! Thank you!!

Carrie said...

I know someone else who suffers from fibromyalgia, but she leads a very different life than you. I'm sure that this must be so difficult and really make every day a struggle. But what really impresses me about you is that you don't let it get in the way of LIFE. You accomplish SO much. Your marathon was amazing, and all that you do for others and for your own family is more than many of us "healthy" people ever manage to accomplish. And if you need some down time every now and then - you deserve it. Even without the disease, you would deserve a break! That said, I truly hope you are feeling better soon.

Michelle A. said...

It's really tough to stay high spirited or spirited at all when you are in constant pain. I knew a woman who was so wrapped up in her fibro., that she wasn't anything else -it identified her, she let it run her. You must have a little more "pink" in you to get past those tough days! Take care my friend :)

RoRo said...

Thanks for sharing, I am so inspired by people who are fighting a daily health battle but don't let it be an excuse. I totally know how you feel about not telling people unless they ask because you don't want them to assume that you can't do something! I struggle with that alot, especially now that my health actually has limited what I can do, nobody asks me to do anything anymore and it makes me sad. Keep fighting girl! Hope your 'tantrum' ends soon:)

Traci said...

Glad you feel comfortable to tell us how you are feeling. I think blogs are great for helping help too. Take the much needed break now so you can really enjoy the rest of the Christmas season.
Glad to hear that you work so hard at not letting this sickness take you over. One day at a time, is what I like to say!
Take Care-

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

Wishing you well...thanks for making room in your life for so many important things.

Liz said...

Oh Kristi, I do hope you feel better soon! Try hard to rest and get better. I know it is hard to stay in bed, well, sometimes it is, but when you've got things to be doing it is hard. Thank goodness you managed to get all of your shopping done so early! Good for you!

Ashley said...

Kristi, that sucks that you have to be in pain! You are an example to all of us about having a good attitude. Now be an example to all of us about staying in bed to take care of yourself when you need to!

And on an unrelated note, the sidebar deletion was NOT YOU!!! Although you definitely are a blogger celeb.

Barb said...

When I read the words "That is a plus." I thought to myself 'everything pink!'
I am really sorry you are sick right now. It is pretty common with holiday stress to get sick, but with a predisposition to something, that makes it harder. I hope things are looking up soon.

Price Cream Parlor said...

I hope that you are really able to rest and heal at this time. I think that it takes great courage to share what life is really like for you with your health. You might just be the light at the end of someones medical mystery tunnel! I draw strength from you in all that you are able to accomplish with all that you juggle. Hang in there! Health and family is most important - the 'to do list' can wait. Hope you feel better soon.

michelle said...

I'm glad you posted about this, Kristi. Sometimes I forget you struggle with this because you are so busy and do so much good. Your attitude truly makes all the difference and I am sure you are inspiring many others in addition to me! Please allow yourself to rest and recover.

Jessica said...

Hugs to you, Kristi. Have a wonderful weekend.

Isaura said...

i hope you feel better soon. i just got over being very ill and it is a miserable thing, so i feel you. depression and pain are both ugly things too...YUCK. get better and know you are very inspirational to even those who have never met you

TX Girl said...

I'm so glad you are giving your body a chance to recover. It sucks to have a chronic condition that basically sidelines you from the things you love. But, I'm glad you know what it is and are able to recognize the signs and when you need to you can take it easy. I know for me that was half the battle. It's amazing how your body really can communicate and tell you when to SLOW down. It is good you are listening!

Claudissima said...

oh kristi you are a champion. I must say that having to battle this that you battle every day is just insormountable praise on your attitude. I can't believe things we do take for granted sometimes. I ache lately, I hurt my knees and can't exercise properly, and have been battling a cold, but hey I think when you look at your life as a blessing and the people you move and touch it is sooo worthwhile. You by sharing this, and people commenting my spirit has been lifted and I would have never guessed you have such struggles. I was merely thinking yesterday...oh man, that kristi how in the world did she run....I can't even run for more than 3 minutes to get my child from preeschool...running late to get him, and being second to last...after beging me to pick him up first. I think oh if kRISTI CAN RUN, i CAN TOO! so thank you for inspiring me to be better...my hats off to you. You are a remarkable woman and soo filled with talent to share. I admire all your good qualities and hope you continue to live your life in such worthy matter. With a beautiful family

paigey said...

I wish I were there to check your voice mail for you and to get you a Sonic Diet Coke (this would be the perfect time for a DC relapse!)

Hang in there honey, lots of people love you!
xoxo

Cara said...

I soooooooo know what you are feeling!!! The hardest part is there is nothing wrong with our minds!!! Our bodies just can't keep up with us!!! I'm so impressed with you getting everything done before Dec. 1st. At least you can breath easy on that one! Kepp smiling, that always helps me!

Mauss Memories said...

Thanks for sharing! I too struggle with a chronic fatigue and am impressed with your ability run a marathon (and everything else that you do). If you can do that...you can do anything! Hang in there! You are such an inspiration!

carlo said...

thank you for sharing this with us, kristi. wow...what a strong role model you are for your girls.