Sunday, March 25, 2007
We came home today from church and Jeff hit the nail on the head when he said. "I am not physically tired, but emotionally"The beauty of spring is everyone was on the front steps as we walked into church. There is no foyer so everyone greets each other on the steps.
It was our Sunday where members from the congregation share their feelings about the church and it is always so emotional to hear of others trials and struggles. The cute little lady that gave us $1.00 our first week sang a little song from her childhood again. I don't know if she does this every month, but I quite like it.
. I feel like I can't stop hugging anyone I walk by. When I hugged cute little Chad this week, he was as stiff as a board and am sure thinking, "Crazy lady get away from me"
Primary is such a struggle. I am so torn with how you teach reverence to the children. Children yell during the prayers, get up and run around during sharing time, scream the songs and turn them in to rap songs. It is just something I have not learned how to do yet. So after 2 hours of being with the kids, the Primary President up front, on the edge of tears, me in the back being the primary bouncer, a girl raised her hand. She was visiting for her first time and had come with her neighbor. She asked. "If you are telling me Jesus loves me how come some people's lives are so hard and they die and get cancer?" A small silence went over the room and me and the Primary President looked at each other with tears. And that is why we do it!
Jeff and I got in the car and just looked at each other. We both said, you will not believe the stories from today. We both had experienced some real hard stories and struggles of these great pioneers. I feel I am have so much, but so helpless. What can I do. I want to take some of them home with me. Take them to our family reunion this summer and give them a break from their day to day struggles. I feel just like that little girl who raised her hand and I want to say, "Why do I have so much, why does my life seem easier than others?"
15 miles down the road from where we go to church is some of the nicest parts of the city or country for that matter. The extremes I see on Sunday's often make me confused. Where is my part in this. How do I give? How much do I give? How could we stop going to church here in 10 months? That is not enough time to really help. It is a flood of emotions for sure.
After church a young married couple invited us over for dinner. They live in a great place in Chevy Chase, with a doorman and someone calls them up from the front desk to let them know we were there. She was an incredible cook and made our favorite Mexican.
It was great to talk with them as they are ending a 3 year service of attending that ward. (they were asked to do a year too) They are moving and I can see on their faces how how it will be for them to leave.
I told Jessica that I have been crying all day and the reality is almost too much for me. She is the Young Women's president and told some incredible stories. It was great to talk to her and a huge help.
So at the end of this Sunday I realize it feels good to be needed and have a responsibility even though at times it hurts my heart.