Tuesday, April 03, 2007

She Photographs on Tuesdays
self portrait tuesdays

I came really close to skipping this week. I am glad I didn't

She Plays well with others

I am speaking the truth on this one and not holding back. Yikes. Be gentle with me.

I have had too many people tell me that it is hard to be my friend. I do a great job of making people feel comfortable enough to speak the truth to me, even if it really hurts.
I don't consider myself someone who does play with others. At times my perfectionist , over achieving personality pushes people away. It tends to make people feel like that don't do enough because most of my talents can be seen and touched. I do a pretty dang good job of not comparing myself to others and it so hard when I see people do that to me. I do what I do to cope with different things in my life. I have tried to teach myself to be strong and tough and sometimes it affects my relationship with others.
I have often said, if bloggers met me they would not like me.

So, since I don't really think I play that great with others (except my kids) I struggled with this challenge. Then it came to me something that I have really learned in the past 9 months. The only person that it really matters that I play well with is my husband. He has been very busy in school for 10 years and these past few months I think I have spent more time with him than in those past 10 years... seriously. It is almost like we have rekindled our great friendship.

One of the things I love about my friend Stacy, is that she would rather be with her husband than anyone else. I know everyone says that but she really means it. I have learned so much from her regarding this.

So, in my self discovery of these Tuesdays, I have realized that If I can play well with him, I play better with others.
I can't count how many photos we have of each other with junk in our teeth

We are goofy and silly, serious and adventurous. We are famous for cancelling on people. We disagree a lot, a lot - a lot, but some how always make up in the end or we forget about what we were disagreeing on. We love each other and both feel like we are too lucky to have each other.
We play well together!


carlo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kari said...

I often have wondered if I would like the people on the blogs I visit as well in real life as I do in virtual reality, so to speak.

See that is why I don't attend ward choir, because I don't want to be judged and compared when it comes to my singing voice. I think my voice is decent but not fabulous.

But it seems that every ward choir director I've ever known wants not just any voice but the cream of the crop and they forget they are getting a sampling of everything and they should just be happy with what they get.

Anyway, somehow I got off on a tangent -- sorry!!

I think it's great that you enjoy your husband so much!! I feel the same about my husband.

It seems like you have many friends in real life to "play" with (recalling your birthday dinner last week). I think things may not be quite as drastic (with your friendships as you think).

I think everyone just wants to feel loved and not judged or picked apart. I cannot imagine you being judgey with people.

Cute picture!!

A. Buchanan said...

did you see my portrait tuesday?

Jill said...

I have been checking in all day wondering when you were going to post something for today. It's interesting that this is how you feel about playing well with others.

I can see why you say that. I feel completely opposite about this subject. I love Randy and like to spend time with him, but I need girlfriends and invest a lot in those relationships.

Everyone is different and that's fine. You don't have to feel like you're confessing (I can't believe you almost didn't post about this.) That's just how it goes for you and that's fine.

carlo said...

hmmmm, so many nuggets here and not just the ones in your teeth!!

let your talents shine kristi. love your honesty here.

Jenny said...

I think EVERYONE should havet this type of relationship. I am grateful Doug and I have an awesome friendship too. We love to laugh and be silly together. I think that is why and how we survived this long journey without family. We had to rely upon each other no matter what. Great photo!

p.s. you have something in your teeth. :)

Elizabeth said...

I am glad you didn't skip today either. My husband is my playmate of choice also. I usually end up skipping out of most craft nights to stay home with him.

Laurie said...

Will you please teach me how to not compare myself to others?

You're the friendliest person I know. I find this post very interesting.

amy m said...

I couldn't agree more with this. It doesn't/shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. The two of you are married eternally and fostering that relationship should be one of the most important things in your life for you and your children. I certainly feel that way and am doing all that I can to make it so.

I am shocked to hear you say the bloggers won't like you...they will love you. No doubt.

Elisa said...

I have often thought that so many people want to be your friend, so many people want "a piece of Kristi" if you will, that there can't possibly be enough of you to go around sufficiently. I have wondered if people get their feelings hurt by this (although you do an amazing job of including everyone) I am glad that you put your family first....AND I am glad I am your cousin and get to be your friend by birth:)

Susan said...

My husband is really the only true friend I have. I have had others hurt me, and I have hurt them, but the one I always count on is him. I know that he is always there for me, and I for him, and I love that he works at home, so I can see him, and talk to him almost any time of the day. I LOVE being with my husband. And sometimes, we are our own worst enemies in how we judge ourselves. Don't be so harsh on yourself! You've had Jill for several years, right?! It is our problem if we compare ourselves to you. Not the other way around. You are great!

Anna said...

Us, bloggers, love your talents and everything you we know we would LOVE you if we met you in person! I want the kind of friends that would skip out on me to spend time with their husbands...I think that speaks volumes as to who you are!

Jordan said...

I can't wait for that "rekindling" time for us!!!

Amie said...

I have met you and I still like you.

I had a hard time with this topic too and then like you it kind of clicked. I think it is awesome that you realized Jeff is your favorite. I do not think most people say they would rather be with their husbands and this makes me sad. I think if most people treated their husbands like they treat their friends the world would be a different place.

Your 'real' posts about you are my favorite. I am glad you decided to post.

Barb said...

This was a hard SPT for me, too. I glossed over my struggles with this challenge - good for you for being so honest and out there. I identified with your words.

Kelly said...

I don't think you should ever have to worry about sharing who you really are. Your honesty is endearing, and it surprises me that you would be hesitant to share this. I see you as a person who loves her girls and her husband, who purposefully sets out to create memories and experiences to enrich her family, and as one who cares about the important things. What is not to like about that -- in person or on your blog?

michelle said...

I'm glad you posted on this, Kristi. I'm not sure why so many people have felt free to share hurtful things with you, I guess like you said maybe you do TOO good a job of making people feel comfortable around you!

I'm impressed that you are able to not compare yourself with others, I am not there yet. I think we are all glad that you share your talents with us, and I'm pretty sure those that haven't met you in person will still like you! I know I for one love you more for knowing you in real life. (A person doesn't really know you until they have heard you laugh!)

Love that you are rediscovering your friendship with Jeff.

Mommysmart said...

Unfortunately we are a world of people pleasers. I think that it is refreshing to hear you say that you can't and don't want to make everyone happy. You have your priorities in the right place. We should all learn a lesson from this post of yours.

P.S. You and your husband have the exact same color eyes!

lelly said...

one of the surprises i keep receiving from spt are the layers upon layers of "us" that are revealed each week. believe me, when i am creating the challenges in my head, i truly am thinking about "how easy is this to photograph?" i am blown away every single week by what comes back.

if i had to guess, i would say there are a multitude of emails and conversations that have been sparked by this week's challenge. i'm involved in some of them myself. the gift of spt goes on and on for me.

i'm glad you posted, and i am so happy that our paths have crossed. i hope we have an opportunity to PLAY sometime soon!

Shauna said...

Totally wonderful insight... True... True...True... So many times I have been(and still get stuck) there...being misunderstood, compared, held back by others' fears, minsonceptions, and needs while I am going forward with sincere and pure intentions.

michelle said...

Kristi, I love your honesty in this post. I have been reading your blog for a while now. You seem like such an amazing wife, mother, and friend. Keep being you!

Anonymous said...

When I started to read this post I was so surprised- especially after meeting you last year! I hate that so many people feel at ease to tell you hurtful things but I think it is so awesome that you are so aware and don't compare yourself.

Oh and I love Amie's comment on treating our husbands like we do our friends- so very true! I love seeing all that your family has been able to do since moving there.

Anne said...

I'm with Laurie, I could stand to learn a few pointers from you.

I appreciate the honesty of your post! Thanks for sharing!

Grody picture! Love it!

Angie said...

Thanks for sharing your feelings. I love your advice for others, and how you share yor talents with all of us. I wish I could get to the point of not comparing myself, like you have. Any suggestions on how I can?

Enjoy your rekindling time with Jeff. I can't wait to be doing that with Greg. Fun, silly pictures are the best! said...

Oh Kristi - I feel your pain! Our posts are quite similar, actually. You and I have many of the same characteristics that, for some, make it hard to be our friend.

There are just so many different types of people in this world, and some seem to be moving through life as though it is a competition. I am not one of those people, and I know you, and you aren't one of those people either.

You are kind and gracious and genuine and creative. Many people wish they could be more like you, and try as they might, they never will. Don't let them dim the light that shines within you!

Michelle A. said...

What is that in your teeth? Great fun photograph. 10 years is a long time to be in school. Craig's took about five years, I couldn't imagine 10!

Missy said...

Wow. Your post really made me think. I find that I am not in a very good mood and less patient and kind when I feel like I am not spending enough time with my husband. I miss him when he is really busy with work, or worse when he is deployed. It is harder around the house, for sure, but more than that, it is harder to be happy. I really, geniunely enjoy his company. He is funny, sweet, considerate and I love spending time with him.
You really touched me with your comments about your relationship with your husband.

Melinda said...

I think it is the best thing ever that you would rather be with your husband. I feel the exact same way. I would chose him over anyone anytime. I have the most fun with my husband. I am so glad you are done with the medical school stuff and can have you husband back.

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

Kristi--I loved this post. I loved your honest expressions and identified with them. I promise, I'll love you when I meet you because I'll sit and marvel at your abilities, personality, insights, family and be entertained the whole time. Thanks for giving us so much...and for putting words to feelings.

stacys said...

You are being WAY to hard on yourself about the people not liking you. I know you as a person and as a blogger and I love you both ways. You are an amazing friend and an example to me in so many ways to list here.

You are right that I am a big advocate for spending time with your spouse. I just know that is what my parents were like. I knew they wanted to play with each other and their children more than they wanted to be anywhere else with anyone else. We felt so loved, so valued and so secure. I also think it takes so much energy to keep up a marriage that how do you have any left over to invest elsewhere? But that is just me and my introvert ways. I am so happy that you guys get to spend time together since we witnessed first hand all the time that was so limited. You both have sacrificed so much it's great to get to see the rewards.

Love the photo...what is that?...carmel corn?

Kari said...

I hope what I said did not come across as mean, as I certainly did not mean it that way at all. I was just kind of expanding on the topic in my own life.

I do not see you as being unfriendly or judging at all!! Your experiences with this new ward that you are in are complete evidence of that!!

I hope and pray there are no hurt feelings!! Sometimes, it's hard to explain myself in writing!! :)

Price Cream Parlor said...

I love your approach to life. Your creativity, your zest for all things good, your adventurous outlook of doing...that is what draws me in.
What a great time in your life to be able to spend more time with your husband! -
I would venture to think that you do play nice with others - you do a great job from my perspective!

andrea said...

I love to play with my husband too. How great that you are reconnecting after so many years of medical training. I hope I get the chance to meet you someday. I found your insights about friendship so intersting. I really appreciate friends with visible talents. I'm always looking for great ideas.

melanie said...

Kristi, I LOVE this post! I am so glad you didn't skip it. What a great post for your girls to read one day.

Your attitude is amazing, I learn from you in every single post! To meet one day, now that would be awesome.