Thursday, January 24, 2008

My inner training and why I chose to do it.

This is a post I have had in my draft for 2 months and just can't seem to finish. after coming home tonight from going to the movie, Spirit of the Marathon, a must see for anyone wanting to do something amazing in their life. Encore presentation on Feb. 21st.

I have written about my physical training, but yet to write the real story of why I chose to do this and how it changed me inside.

It all began in January of this year when I seemed to be very down. I have struggled with depression and the winter seems to be a tough time for me. I am naturally a peppy person, but even pink peppy people feel down. I was feeling down about my goals, my body, my weight, pretty much the same I do every January. I wondered if I would ever start a year saying, "wow I really did a good job last year with my goals" I find at the beginning of the new year I think well there goes another year if I didn't do what I wish I had. ( I am kind of hard on myself sometimes, but getting better)

It was the middle of January and I picked up the Ensign, which is my church's monthly magazine. There was an article in the middle about the Miracles performed while Christ was alive on the earth. There were some awesome photos and scriptural accounts. I started thinking about things I wanted to change in my life and if they ever did change it would have to be a miracle to do so. I always say that I believe Christ lived on the earth and that he performed miracles, but was not sure if I really believed one could happen to me. How could I believe these miracles had happened and not believe He wanted or had been waiting to give me a miracle? What was I not willing to do to have my own miracle? It was an emotional night for sure one I will never forget. Jeff was asleep. I got out of bed and kneeled down and for the first time prayed for just the desire to change, not the change - just the desire to do so. This became my prayer for 3 months! I only prayed for the desire to make changes in my life. During that 3 months a series of events happened that I believe motivated me that one night to sign up for marathon online.
beans and rice Anne gave me to freeze and put on my feet

these are just some of the little blessings that brought about the change in my life. These small little things to some are what caused my great finish to happen.

this life is made up of little things—little things that count a great deal. I believe that the little things are of great importance in our relationship with ourselves, in our relationship with others, and in our relationship with God.
Joseph B. Wirthlin 1986

  • in January I had a conversation with my friend Emily, her sister and her mother in their kitchen. I was standing on the small end of the counter and Emily was talking about her marathon in St. George she said, "Kristi you should do a marathon!" her believing that i actually could stuck with me
  • I wrote on my 100 things about me that I wanted to run a marathon. This was a comment left by Shawna B. "DO THE MARATHON - like quilting and blogging, it will change your life. You can do it. You absolutely can do it"
  • my friend Nicole was training for a Breast Cancer walk in honor of her mom. She invited me to start walking with her. She did a marathon on a Saturday, slept on the hard ground in a tent in Boston then did a half marathon in the morning. She had never done anything like this before. I remember a Saturday during her training when I asked her, "what did you do today?" she answered, " I walked to Georgetown, 14 miles" This was the straw that broke the camels back and a few nights later I signed up online for a marathon.

After watching the movie tonight (which I cried through most of it) I realized what a miracle it is that I did that. I can't ever say that a miracle did not happen to me. Running that was a spiritual experiece. It was a way for my body and spirit to come together and communicate, they both needed each other that day. I learned I can't feed on and neglect the other.
a note from my very fast sister in law she sent me before i ran,
One foot in front of the other

I had so many people ask me "so why didn't you chose to do a half marathon first?" (thus why PACE is my word of the year) I think part of it is because I thrive off extremes. At the beginning of the year all I wanted was the desire to be better - at the end i was running.
As great as training and running was last year - it in now way seals the deal for me being in physical shape or makes me a runner. What makes me a runner is trying every day. There is no "safe" in any aspect in life.
We train to live - not live to train.

One of the highlights from this experience was writing the letter I had dreamed of writing to a dear friend from New Orleans. He has run more marathons than years I have lived, in fact he has run more than double. I sent him a card thanking him for taking the time years prior to share with me his passion for running and making me believe anyone can do it. He wrote me back a letter and then we chatted on the phone. One of the first things he asked me was, "What did you learn from this?" He never asked me my time. He knew I did it for the experience and not the speed. Talking to him that night was a highlight of last year for sure.
balaga - hidden comfort socks, my all time fav!

What changed about my inside was that I enjoyed seeing me push myself. I enjoyed the discipline it took to make the changes. I look back and am grateful for the three months I just prayed for the DESIRE to do something, anything to believe in miracles - that changed me just as much as running 26.2 miles did.


melanie said...

What a great post Kristi! The changes you have made are so inspiring. The trials you took to get to your triumphs are definitely something to learn from. I'm so glad you decided to publish this post.

Love the quote from Elder Wirthlin.

Lauralee said...

this is the post I have been waiting for.. I will read it again.. I want to go back and read that ensign article... inspiring.. praying for the desire to change.. so awesome that you have had such encouraging people along the way.. I tell so many people about you, and say if you read anything, read her marathon entry.. is it mile by mile.. so inspiring..
anyway.. thanks I am going to go read your post again..
have a great night

michelle said...

I'm so glad you shared this, Kristi. Beautiful. I thought I had the desire to change, but I haven't changed yet, so maybe I should go back to the drawing board on that!

kristi said...

lauralee, you and your comments and questions months ago are what motivated me to finally write this down.

Missy said...


M&M said...

I am on the way out my door to meet up with other "mommies" but I HAD to read this post first and I am so glad I did. You so eloquently put what is in my heart about running. I never thought of it as a miracle, but it truly has been one in my life as well. You have continued to inspire me and many others. I LOVED the movie last night and I am happy to be reminded WHY I run. I LOVE your gospel perspective. You are truly amazing.

Jenmomof4 said...

Fantastic post. I am trying to think of my word for the year. I think if I could run a 5K I would be doing good. I have not run in years. You are like the cheerleader giving the pep talk!! I feel like I can do anything after reading your posts!

Thanks Kristi!!

"Go Me!!"

stacy{s} said...

You are amazing Kristi. I love the fact that you mention it wasn't all "PInk" all the time. That you feel down, depressed, and dumpy sometimes just like we all do. But you manage to make it through and learn from it. thanks for sharing. I will be praying for that desire. Will pin this post to my wall so I will be reminded of it.

lelly said...

great thoughts. glad you got it out of your draft folder ;)

Michelle A. said...

Great post Kristi - I have been wanting to do a marathon and really was surprised by your annoucment - not that you couldn't do it, but that you did it so hush husH! And was thinking, hmmm, I can do this to, And then Holly, who just finished her marathon, really pushed me over to the - yes, I can really do this stage. I've been looking for a marathon in our area, am looking shyly though - you are a great inspiration, thanks!

tootie said...

Your marathon experience (this story and others) has really inspired me. You are one of the reasons that I decided to run a marathon this year! Thank you, thank you!

Liz said...

Thanks for sharing this with us Kristi! I need to go back and reread that article. I also loved the quote from Elder Wirthlin. said...

This post gives me so much to think about. You have no idea...

Amy said...

Wow Kristi. I'm little more than a stranger, but I can't tell you how much your marathon posts have struck my core. Not that I want to run a marathon per se, but just the miraculous change, conjoining of body & spirit...I've eaten up every bit of it. Thank you for "owning" 2007. I'm sure you've thanked yourself countless times..but know that it has definitely had its impact on others as well.

Poulsen Family said...

I found you through SPT. I am amazed and crying at your entry. So many times I'm stuck wishing for a better life or wishing I'd achieved a goal. Thank you for sharing your experience and how it changed you.

jody said...

I'm not a pink wearing person but I love your blog and the inspiring words. Maybe we would all be a little happier if we would pray for the desire to change and then act on it.

Ang said...

I love this post! You are one amazing person. Thank you for inspiring me!!!

Jill said...

This is great. I think running is such an emotional, mental and physical challenge that there's way more to it than times and distance. Every time someone hits the pavement it's a victory, and the fact that you did so many, many times is remarkable.

I think praying for the desire to change is a sign of maturity. How glorious is this January for you? Being able to look back on such a successful year!!?

Mamma Letty said...

I can't agree more about the spiritual physical relationship. Truly I discovered so much about myself when i trained for my first marathon.
I was NOT a runner. I still am a bit surprised when people are asking me what race i am training for next.
Weird and yet, I have discovered that my body has the capacity to do so much more than I give it credit.
I always get so excited when i see or read about someone doing thier first marathon...because truly it is life changing.

Autumn said...

even though I don't "know" you, you have inspired me to do something I normally wouldn't even think about. I'm planning on running a 5K this year & as I was telling a friend about my plan I heard myself tell her I might run a 10K in the fall~I don't know what possessed me but now I'm thinking its a good idea. I've been bummed that I haven't been able to run this week b/c of the weather. Hopefully, Monday I can get back on track. I am reading the book you suggested (the non-runner's guide~my aunt sent it to me) & loving every minute of it.

so Thanks for everything you've encouraged me to do with & for myself!


Mindy said...

It must be Jerry that you are talking about from New Orleans! I think that incredible man inspired many, many people. I love it when you write about your marathon experience- the entire story, not just the race. It warms me to my soul and I just think you are wonderful!!! Love you!

Wende said...

great post kristi! i'm so proud of you. running a marathon isn't a small thing for anyone, even the pros. so good job! not,GREAT job!

Amanda said...

This post was so great! I have been praying for that desire to change as well. I just need to keep it up! How wonderful you stuck with it. How great you found inner peace and lost emotional baggage. So inspiring to us all! I'm going to look up that article.

cropstar said...

Lovely post Kristi! I find so much inspiration through other runners so thank you for sharing your experience.
I'm training for my first 1/2 marathon this spring and my first marathon this fall and I'm so excited and so scared for it. But I do know that as long as I prepare I will be able to watch myself accomplish a goal that at one point seemed totally impossible. Hurray for miracles!
PS- LOOOOOVED "Spirit of the Marathon". Can't wait to see it again.

Beth Soelberg said...

It's interesting that you feel you connected both with your body and spirit by running. It brings to mind the scripture in the D&C - "The body and the spirit are the soul of man." Our soul is incomplete without our body.

I really do applaud you on taking action when you were feeling depression. It's hard sometimes to MAKE yourself get going. Thanks for inspiring me.