My inner training and why I chose to do it.

This is a post I have had in my draft for 2 months and just can't seem to finish. after coming home tonight from going to the movie, Spirit of the Marathon, a must see for anyone wanting to do something amazing in their life. Encore presentation on Feb. 21st.

I have written about my physical training, but yet to write the real story of why I chose to do this and how it changed me inside.

It all began in January of this year when I seemed to be very down. I have struggled with depression and the winter seems to be a tough time for me. I am naturally a peppy person, but even pink peppy people feel down. I was feeling down about my goals, my body, my weight, pretty much the same I do every January. I wondered if I would ever start a year saying, "wow I really did a good job last year with my goals" I find at the beginning of the new year I think well there goes another year if I didn't do what I wish I had. ( I am kind of hard on myself sometimes, but getting better)

It was the middle of January and I picked up the Ensign, which is my church's monthly magazine. There was an article in the middle about the Miracles performed while Christ was alive on the earth. There were some awesome photos and scriptural accounts. I started thinking about things I wanted to change in my life and if they ever did change it would have to be a miracle to do so. I always say that I believe Christ lived on the earth and that he performed miracles, but was not sure if I really believed one could happen to me. How could I believe these miracles had happened and not believe He wanted or had been waiting to give me a miracle? What was I not willing to do to have my own miracle? It was an emotional night for sure one I will never forget. Jeff was asleep. I got out of bed and kneeled down and for the first time prayed for just the desire to change, not the change - just the desire to do so. This became my prayer for 3 months! I only prayed for the desire to make changes in my life. During that 3 months a series of events happened that I believe motivated me that one night to sign up for marathon online.

beans and rice Anne gave me to freeze and put on my feet

these are just some of the little blessings that brought about the change in my life. These small little things to some are what caused my great finish to happen.

this life is made up of little things—little things that count a great deal. I believe that the little things are of great importance in our relationship with ourselves, in our relationship with others, and in our relationship with God.
Joseph B. Wirthlin 1986

• in January I had a conversation with my friend Emily, her sister and her mother in their kitchen. I was standing on the small end of the counter and Emily was talking about her marathon in St. George she said, "Kristi you should do a marathon!" her believing that i actually could stuck with me
• I wrote on my 100 things about me that I wanted to run a marathon. This was a comment left by Shawna B. "DO THE MARATHON - like quilting and blogging, it will change your life. You can do it. You absolutely can do it"
• my friend Nicole was training for a Breast Cancer walk in honor of her mom. She invited me to start walking with her. She did a marathon on a Saturday, slept on the hard ground in a tent in Boston then did a half marathon in the morning. She had never done anything like this before. I remember a Saturday during her training when I asked her, "what did you do today?" she answered, " I walked to Georgetown, 14 miles" This was the straw that broke the camels back and a few nights later I signed up online for a marathon.
  

After watching the movie tonight (which I cried through most of it) I realized what a miracle it is that I did that. I can't ever say that a miracle did not happen to me. Running that was a spiritual experiece. It was a way for my body and spirit to come together and communicate, they both needed each other that day. I learned I can't feed on and neglect the other.

a note from my very fast sister in law she sent me before i ran,
One foot in front of the other

I had so many people ask me "so why didn't you chose to do a half marathon first?" (thus why PACE is my word of the year) I think part of it is because I thrive off extremes. At the beginning of the year all I wanted was the desire to be better - at the end i was running.
As great as training and running was last year - it in now way seals the deal for me being in physical shape or makes me a runner. What makes me a runner is trying every day. There is no "safe" in any aspect in life.

We train to live - not live to train.

One of the highlights from this experience was writing the letter I had dreamed of writing to a dear friend from New Orleans. He has run more marathons than years I have lived, in fact he has run more than double. I sent him a card thanking him for taking the time years prior to share with me his passion for running and making me believe anyone can do it. He wrote me back a letter and then we chatted on the phone. One of the first things he asked me was, "What did you learn from this?" He never asked me my time. He knew I did it for the experience and not the speed. Talking to him that night was a highlight of last year for sure.

balaga - hidden comfort socks, my all time fav!

What changed about my inside was that I enjoyed seeing me push myself. I enjoyed the discipline it took to make the changes. I look back and am grateful for the three months I just prayed for the DESIRE to do something, anything to believe in miracles - that changed me just as much as running 26.2 miles did.