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Sunday, June 27, 2010

Hitting the wall
(and I am not talking about hanging our mirrors)

Thanks to my Chicago friend Nora for her wonderful advice for hanging prints, I did just as you said and it looks great. Also it makes a great story to say that I hang at 58" because that is what the museums do.
Above is my last Goodwill purchase, 2 days before we moved, and it is perfect for my dining room. I am going to paint it a high gloss white and hopefully get it hung this week. It is so heavy and huge. My friend Jessica agreed with me that white won't make it look so "grandma house". It was a steal for $20. What do you think?

But today I think I have hit the wall and reality has set in - We just moved across country! What were we thinking!
I was sitting in the third hour of church, which is with just the women in our congregation, and the water works pipe exploded.
The lady sitting next to me put her arm around me and I am sure thinks my husband has an addiction to pornography, because that is what they were talking about when the pipes burst.

I realized that so much of my identity comes from my service in my church and community and right now I am not doing any of that. I would have thought I would have welcomed the break of just going to church for 3 hours and going home with nothing to do in the week, but it is a hard adjustment.
I am a woman proud of my identity as a wife, mother and church goer. I don't believe it takes away from who I am but makes me who I am.

I sat there today missing knowing everyone woman in the rooms "story". I miss loving all of them. Sure I loved the women in the room today by association but I don't know any of their stories yet, their joys and hardships. I can't compliment any of them on a new hair cut or dress because it is all new to me.

I felt humbled and tiny today - in a good way. It helped me remember that I am a daughter of God and I sure felt his love today - especially when the woman next to me gave me the loving hug (during the porn part) and didn't say one word.

So my word of advice today is if you ever, ever sit next to someone at church, on the train or see someone at the grocery store who looks sad - don't be afraid to reach out to them because they are praying that you do!!

Maryland friends I miss you so much!!!
oops got to run pipe just burst!

21 comments:

Price Cream Parlor said...

Oh, Kristi! You made me laugh (sorry) about your waterworks and the timing! I did that two months ago and was 'eyed' by the presidency - but no hug from the stranger next to me. Sad. SOOO hard to not feel 'connected' to these new women. Also - there is that instant connection of the gospel we share - it isn't the same as feeling 'home' at church. It will come. I tend to give myself a good 18 months.(I'm doing better on month 3...but it isn't the same..)
I TOTALLY know how you feel!! Hang tough. It will get better!

I love the new mirror and am always in awe of your finds. The only thing I have ever found is a black wooden chair for $10. I LOVE that chair!! (wish they came with a story attached to it though!)

(still unpacking my basement!!!)

Anonymous said...

We just moved also. I felt those same pains today sitting in Church mtgs. It really hit me when my 16 year old daughter came out of YW's in tears. She misses her friends and I miss mine. Hang in there. We can do it.

Liz said...

Oh, Kristi! Hang in there! Sooner than you think you will know all their stories!!

Love the mirror...and from the looks of it, your house looks great! Wish I had the kind of thrift store near me that you did in Maryland. The stores near me really only carry junk! I think it would look great painted white with your gold? walls?

stefanie@stationerywithstyle.com said...

Kristi, the humor in this post speaks volumes about how you handle all the changes life can throw our way. You always find a way not to wallow in your grief and that is such an inspiration.

I can't sympathize with what you are going through I've never been through what you have been through so many times. I am hugging you across the miles and praying that you will soon get your groove on. It won't be any time at all until everyone in Denver learns to love you the way we all have!

Besides, if things there don't work out, you can always move back to Nashville. There is a house for sale on my street.... just sayin'!!

Lauralee said...

love the mirror, and the little glimpses of your new home! what an adventure-
funny about the timing in RS.. and your tears.. hugs.. it is hard. everytime, moving is tough- I am excited for your new ward to get to know you- they don't know what a treasure just moved into their ward!

Nora from Chicago said...

Your dining room walls are like rays of sunshine! Clean, bright and cheery - - much like Ms. Pink!

Even in what you think is a dark moment that caused the pipes to burst, the clouds of doubt and of being overwhelmed parted and the rays of sunshine that are your personality came through and made us all laugh!

However, for Dr. Pink's sake, in the future, you may want to time the turning on of the waterworks a little better. Pornography?? Oh, my!!! The poor dr's reputation.

I loved seeing your image, ever so slight, at the doorframe, reflected in the mirror! Good to see you, my friend!

michelle said...

Oh, Kristi. I wish I could give you a hug today.

There is nothing quite like that lonely feeling of being new, not knowing anyone, and having them not know you. I am so glad the sister next to you reached out and hugged you!

Of course you have been through this multiple times, so you know how it goes, but it really does take time to adjust and to establish new connections. I hope it happens sooner for you!

p.s. love the mirror, love the yellow walls.

Carrie said...

I laughed out loud when I read about Jeff's "porn addiction." And someday you and that nice lady sitting next to you can have a good laugh about it too!

Thanks for posting and sharing such true feelings. I hope that you start to feel more at home soon.

Jill said...

Your pipes are always bursting! I tend to think of you as always wiping tears.

It's hard to move into a new ward and not be known yet or know anyone else. You could always just start randomly serving people or find out who you're going to be visiting teaching. I'm sure you'll be overloaded with a big calling and too much to do in no time!!

Jill said...

P.S. I am going because I'm wanting to see pictures of your new house in progress!

linda said...

It will only be a matter of time and you'll be busy, busy, busy...especially when school starts for the girls. Enjoy this time and get yourself settled. It does sound like you have an awesome neighborhood though!

With the great walking trails in HR, I'm sure you can find some walking/running buddies soon. We went to open houses in Ken Caryl today and met the nicest people. They're out there, it just takes time.

You asked about our trip here. We're still scoping out different areas and will probably just rent first. We'll be putting our home on the market soon but the CA housing market is in the dumps. We'll move when our home sells. We like Evergreen and Bow Mar (the lakes are beautiful), Golden, and Ken Caryl Valley in Littleton. We do need to check out HR too.

stacy{s} said...

Dear sweet friend...hang tough. I know you can do it. And this might be the last time you have to endure this right? Enjoy the lack of drama and anticipate a great friend waiting for you to find them just like you found me. Laugh and think how sad I am when those anonymous feelings go away, hermit that I am. ;) Oh, and be sure to tell Jeff why someone might be giving him strange looks for awhile.

Allison said...

Did I have to read this today? I have the packers here. We are moving on Wednesday, my 30th birthday. I went to church yesterday and had an ache in my stomach, because I knew I wouldn't be there again next week, with all the women who's church dresses andstories I know. My pipe is starting to leak. Good Luck, you'll be great.

Anonymous said...

Just a silly question...when you hang at 58", is that the top, bottom, or center of the picture? Good luck with the move!

Charity said...

I feel your pain! I wish moving were easier, at least making friends and feeling needed. Before you know it you'll be busy and loved. What an inopportune time to cry! Hang in there it will get better soon.

Claudissima said...

oh kristi...you have a huge love in your heart...just remember there are soo many girls in your side bar that know you.....and you probably know many of them too.....service is always a good thing in our lives. sending you a hug, and that story about the hug at the time of the lesson...is funny!!!

ps. someone dear to me told me, that if we treated and greeted women as if we knew they were going through a really hard thing...most of the time at least 80% of them are.....we would nail it. We should love each other with tons of love--sending you a hug

Amber said...

That is exactly how I have been feeling with this temporary move, and now the real deal--out of state move--is looming. We lived in our old ward for 10 years--knew everything about everyone. Understood nuances and pauses and what certain looks or Hmmphs from people meant. Now I'll do it all over again.

I am laughing that you are new, and crying during the Pornography talk. Should get a few ladies talking!!!

Amy said...

I think the mirror will look stunning in white. Your words here really spoke to me today. I feel exactly the the same way...so much of me is defined by my roles as wife, mother and church callings, but I definitely don't think that's a bad thing. I'm sure you will be up & serving crazily very soon!

Shauna said...

I am feeling so many emotions with you as I remember all the moving I did while growing up. Every time I was sure my life was over and could never be as good as it was, yet within time, I was always where I needed to be for that time in my life and, as a result, I have dear friends in every corner of the world to this very day.
No matter where you live, at least I get to see you once per year!!!!!
Love the mirror!

Anjie said...

It is really weird to read about you living in a different place. It kind of sucks... I do hope you like it though and it sounds like you are surrounded by nice, caring, fun people. Post lots of pics as it is fun to see how and what you are doing. Take care. We miss you!!

JENNIFRO said...

That made me really sad. You're the type that leave a void... a huge one. Good for you getting so much posted--I hadn't even thought to look since I figured you'd be so busy. Great posts, all of them. I miss you.