Sunday, August 15, 2010

William Sonoma awesome pie mold that makes you look like a super star
I have this and love it!

Huge piece of Humble Pie-
Ramblings and such

Forget the piece part I have the entire pie.
So moving has rocked my world!! I feel like the carpet has been pulled out from under my feet. Everything that was once secure inside seems to be like broken glass on the floor and I am trying to put it back together.
I am coming to terms that the glass will never be put back together.
I will get a new glass that will just be different

I thought for sure moving would be easier this time. We picked the town, the job, the weather, the house of our dreams, the school, the church congregation. We chose EVERYTHING just the way we want it. And to be honest it is pretty dog gone perfect - except for the fact that it is just different that what we knew.

I am sad that all my friends can't come see my house. I can't show them how all my garage sale finds turned out and work perfectly in every space.
It is weird when people come over to our house and must think we have lived like this forever and I want to scream "you have no idea how long it took us to get this".

Just tonight Caroline asked "When are we going back to the brick home. I miss it. This one is made of rock and is too big"

We are all a bit out of sorts for sure. School is on it's third week. (my poor kids got their summer swiped this year by swiper the fox) All of them in school (Kindies are only half days and SJ got the second half) Sally Jane does not go until 1:10 in the afternoon - Crazy.
the school is amazing and feels like they go to an elementary High School Musical. Annie Kate loves it because she says the bathrooms are so clean. It is only 2 years old and is beautiful.
I feel like I keep missing a form, registration fee, snack or something. I have been late getting them to school and last week Sally Jane was the last Kindergartner to be picked up, poor girl.I took this photo on our first family hike!

I am totally overwhelmed by how active this community is. Everyone runs, bikes, swims, races, hikes, works out - all of the time!! (and if you are saying "not everyone" - oh yes EVERYONE!)
I can't tell anyone that I used to run because then they would ask how fast and I would have to say "not fast!"
My friend said our community is like - "if Disneyland and REI had a baby it would be our neighborhood" It is true!

I feel myself getting in a total slump - if I can't do a major triathlon than I stink and can't go for a walk around the neighborhood. I must get over this and fast!

Either we can choose to be humble or compelled to be humble - but either way we will be so!
I know that I have truly been compelled because I would never have chosen to feel this out of sorts.

I have a famous blogger coming to visit me this week which I am totally jazzed about!! I know she will give me the kick in the rear I need to stop moping around, get out of my house, blog and be happy dang it!

Moving is hard. Dang hard. Even harder the older you get. I can do hard things!

Oh and I did get a calling to teach Seminary (A religious study group for teenagers at 6:3o am) but after I said yes but I have to bring my kids with me because Jeff goes to work so early they realized that was not the calling for me.


E T Mack said...

Oh I"m sad-- I just left your house and had such a wonderful time with you and your sweet family. You hide your feelings well if you feel in such a slump you invite a family over-- we loved being with you.

Let me make you feel better-- I don't hike, bike, ride a trike, run, swim, triath-, marath-, walk a dog, a cat, recycle, gym hop-- all the things that U think everyone does in this colorful Colorado. But I know your struggle-- I went through it 3 years ago too. "And this too shall pass."

You will find your power-- your place-- your zone and you will be loved for you as an individual. I already do.

I wear heels... alot... and it does not fit the mold of hiking boots, Keens (had to look up the name), Uggs, etc. So deal, Colorado! You will remember what is and has been your identity too. And yet you will find more to learn and love about your new life here.

Love the blog-- and that you are so true to yourself in the public eye.

E T Mack said...

P.S.-- way too long of a post, I know, but just thought I would let you know that my little McKenna complained about going back to our old house for about a year b/c that is all she knew. OH and u are way ahead of us in the hiking game-- lived here almost 4 years... no family hikes yet! It's all good!

Brittany said...

Kristi you are incredible! I have absolute faith that you will figure this out and make it amazing! Dont fall too far into your slump, if you do call me and I will come pull you out of it!

You were my guardian angel and there is nothing I will ever be able to do to give back to you the way you gave to me. Just don't forget how important you are! You basically saved my life...there are many more who need your love and strength! Hang in there! Love you!

Anonymous said...

Kristi-----I check in on you daily, and have felt like something must be up. I can't imagine picking my life up now and changing it all. You are so brave. when we first move to this house, we had no furniture because our other house was so small...and our new mortgage was so big! (and I am not as savvy with goodwill :)) I still feel like I have many gaps to fill and it has been five years! you will find your groove and find that one good friend that you can call on to spill out all your worries and fears. I wish I could give you a big hug... good for you to do a family will realize that your values lie in your family and what you do for them, and not keeping up with the Jones's and their triathalons! Hang in there. miss you --love, heather

Jill said...

I'm so happy to have a new post from you, even though it isn't necessarily good news.

It's totally interesting that you guys got to pick everything about your move and that it's still hard...I think there's a lesson in that for all of us.

I am happy that I get to come visit you and kick your rear and talk you out of your slump. You are Kristi freakin Cutler for Pete's Sake, you're the trend setter, you're your own person and you don't have to do what anybody else is doing!!

jill said...

Adjusting to new things takes time...give yourself the time to get used to everything. Remember your mission? Didn't it take a long time to adjust to life as a missionary? It sure did me. And when I moved out here to MD I wanted to go home the first six months. It's normal to be feeling this way. Try to get out of the house everyday, in the sun, doing something you enjoy.

And quit the comparison game, you ran a marathon for crying out loud!!! I'm sure when you moved here there were different pressures, such as; my kids are in kindergarten and they don't know how to do calculus!! Or, my three year old has no idea how to speak French and Spanish! Or, I don't know how to speak French and Spanish. Each place has there areas they focus on. I'm sure Colorado offers a lot more out doorsy type of activities. Here it was education, education, education...blah, blah, blah! There it's different, but you'll do great and feel at home in time. And what's the worse that can happen? You move back here? Stranger things have happened.

Be patient with yourself. We miss you around here, you're a wonderful friend with a wonderful family. But, you felt out of sorts when you got here and why would this move be any different?!

Do your foreign friends a favor and start posting pictures of all your finds, you know the Miller/ Markoff folks would love to see!

Perk up! Be happy! In time everything will be fine and normal, but you can't rush it and you can't control it. All you can do is try and do things that bring you happiness. Your house IS beautiful by the way! I LOVE the yellow!! I just painted the baby's room that color. You have a creative eye and a great style!!

BTW, Thank-you for refusing the seminary calling, oh my gosh what a NIGHTMARE that would have been!!!

Love and Miss you!!

Anna said...

I fear that when we move next year for our new M.D. job that people will think the same about us - and they have NO idea how long/hard this road was to get to this point. No idea about the teeny tiny house we've lived in, all the debt, etc. Oh well.
Please blog and tell me it gets better - because that is the hope I've been living for all these years! :)

TX Girl said...

I've always loved that the magic wizard behind the curtain dictated to me where I was going to live all these years. I could always blame him if something bugged me about the place (although after 8 years in the same city I've adapted to the city).

The prospect of ACTUALLY PICKING where I want to live in the next 2 years is terrifying to me.

Allison said... I found this article and thought of you post I read this morning. I've got it too. I think they forgot to cover in the article the women that follow their husbands back and forth across the country leaving behind wonderful friends that became family.

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

Ahhhh, thinking of you Kristi.

You'll carve your niche, but carving takes time and patience or else you don't like what you end up with. Carve carefully and slowly and you'll be pleased with the end result. You always have, you always will.

Moving among highly competent and capable individuals is intimidating or liberating depending on how you look at it. Once I discovered how much I could learn from doers and that it was like I'd been put in a classroom of tutors, I found it highly liberating and became even more capable in so many things that I thought I already did well at. No longer did I feel unneeded, unnecessary, or intimidated but more powerful.

Thanks for posting this. I think anybody that's moved and left their identity can relate. I did.

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

Darn about the seminary calling. I would have loved to exchange ideas with you. I guess we still could for the future :0)

patsy said...

they made the biggest mistake of their lives not making you the seminary teacher!
as a mom of teens... those teens would have loved you!!!!
(yes it would've been hard on your kids... but you could have had it at your house?)

I'm sorry this is rough- and I've been there. it is HARD! if you've never done it- you really can't understand how hard it is...

hugs & love from UTah

Price Cream Parlor said...

Yahoo for the post! Honestly - been so worried about you - as you know..(crazy texts and fb messages...)
I totally feel your pain!!! On a few levels. My 13 yr old is starting school next week and still freaking out that we live here and wants to 'go back home...'

It is hard to find your place in a place that doesn't 'feel like home' and so foreign at the moment. I still feel that way. And, I don't really fit the mold. But I am ok with that - because I wouldn't want to fit this mold.

In time, you will see, you will be ok. You are right - you CAN and WILL and HAVE done hard things!
Hard things are good....they shape us. They FORCE us to grow and reach out.

I love the thoughts from your new friend (?) ET MACK...she made me laugh.

You will be ok - in time. But remember, it is what you DO during that time that matters.

Get out and DO! Do like you normally would have done - explore and stretch and reach out like you did 'back home'. You are so good about that.

It is hard to feel out of place...I know! But in time, this will feel like HOME. I think I can even promise you that (well, I'm banking on that promise for myself as well! HA!)

Glad Jill is coming to visit!

michelle said...

I'm cracking up over them deciding they didn't want you to bring your kids to seminary!

I just want to say a big ditto to Jill's comment - you are your own person and no one tells you how to be! Kristi freakin' Cutler indeed.

I have to say, I would be shocked if you weren't struggling a bit. I don't care how much you were able to orchestrate, moving is just damn hard. Every time.

Make yourself do things you enjoy and stay true to you, and you will be feeling happier again soon - very soon, I hope!

Megan said...

Oh Kristi I know how you feel! I feel like I've recently been given the whole pie too! But alas part of being given the pie is to realize our dependence on the Lord (something I thought I was pretty good at but I guess needed some help with). I hope things start turning back in the best direction for you guys!

JENNIFRO said...

I hate change. I really do. (unless it involves home dec!) I hate that you moved. You got a lot of great advice up there and it's all true. But still I HATE when people move on and I'm in the slumps over it for a long time. I think about people who left the ward a decade ago and still get bummed and irritated they left. I'm starting to think about ACT I and I'm sick you won't be here to click pics, build me up for and Jeff to play Zacharias! (haha) But of course it is all part of life as we know it. If you don't start posting every inch of your house I will be BITTER. It's what gets me excited in life. Just DO IT. Enough about all that--hang in there. It just boils down to time. You are truly missed and loved and always will be...

Barb said...

That is a loss to the teens in the area not to have you as a seminary teacher, but I'm glad that your family situation was understood and comes first.
I have a new neighbour who just moved here this summer from Denver and I am going to ask her about your description:
"if Disneyland and REI had a baby it would be our neighbourhood."
Because my new neighbours seemed to bring with them as much outdoor recreation equipment as furniture so maybe it is the whole city of Denver or maybe you bought their house???

The monkey bunch said...

oh my word girl, when I lived in Colorado I felt the same way. I have been a runner most of my life, but I felt like a looser, because everyone I worked with was featured in biking or climbing magazines or actually won the Marathons they raced. Seriously, you do get over it, though. Just enjoy what you can do and all the amazing opportunities you have! You'll find a niche. Just give it time!

Charity said...

I can see the tagline for tourists now....Colorado...where Disneyland and REI met, married and had a Baby...welcome to their baby...

You'll get there, it's never easy or fun, but it is worth every bit of it. Think of how much the Lord is blessing you with this trial.

Prayers and Blessings your way....

Tasha said...

I know, I know, I know how you feel.
Oh Kristi, I just don't know what to say except that I totally get it.
Seminary? Really?
I'm calling you tomorrow.

Jenni Coberly said...

First, I feel terrible that when I dropped by your house and met you for the first time I talked about biking and swimming. What a shmuck I am. I think I was looking for a new friend because my best friend just moved.

For the all things physical, but felt that when I was super down and quite sad when I moved here they really helped me to meet new friends and cheered up my mood. FYI...I eat ice cream in MASS amounts on a daily basis!!

I'm really sorry if I added to any of your sadness. :( When I first met you and you gave me a big hug I knew that you were one of a kind...I have never been a big hugger, but my husband and his family have taught me to LOVE them!!

If you every need to chat, I'm a great listener...and maybe we can grab some ice cream while we are at it. :)

The Trammell's said...

I love you Kristi! Hang in there and don't let all those "work out junkies" cloud your mind of what is really important...your family! You're girls know they are loved and you make their lives so fun and exciting w/ all your awesomeness! Don't let what you think others are doing get you down. Run slow or walk fast...that's my new motto since I can't do much running anymore. Just enjoy the journey and know you are loved by many!

Andie said...

Oh hang in there. I know your pain. I've been there. It's hard.

My name is Andrea said...

Still lurking, you always amaze me. I love the Denver brother and his wife (they are int he air force) just moved to Colorado Springs, and I look forward to visiting them.

Also, I read in one of your posts that the DC area should watch out for some weather disaster because they always happen after you leave, and today the news is reporting flooding and tornados in the DC area because of Hurricane Nicole. There might be something to that theory.

I hope that as the mountains turn beautiful colors of red and orange and yellow, that you are adjusting and loving where our Heavenly Father has put you, you are a wonderful person and sure to bless many lives with your talents...